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Mormon Church Counsel on Improving Sexual Intimacy in Marriage


mormon sex depressionOn How to Develop Intimacy with a Spouse

"A deep and abiding relationship with the Savior is indeed the only way to achieve true intimacy in our relationships with others. And because intimacy requires the involvement of both parties, each person in a truly intimate relationship must have a connection with the Savior, a connection that is strong and vibrant and growing. True intimacy requires that both parties' offerings of love are embedded within an intimate relationship with Him. All else will feel like a sorry substitute."

"I believe that the Lord blesses spouses who love each other purely. I believe He blesses spouses whose passions and appetites have been influenced by the Holy Ghost. We were given the gift of the Holy Ghost for exactly such a time as this. Is it difficult to believe that the Holy Ghost will help you express your love physically? He will. Pray for it."

"As we increase our understandings of these truths, we will never worry that increased purity might decrease our God-given passions. Those natural passions will be increased, purified, and adapted to their lawful use. Spirit-magnified and spirit-purified passion will always be greater than lust. The ability to have our passions magnified, purified, and adapted seems to be something very worthy of prayer or even of fasting."
- "Personal Purity and Intimacy" by Sister Wendy Watson, 1999 Women's Conference

"Physical intimacy is not only a symbolic union between a husband and a wife—the very uniting of their souls—but it is also symbolic of a shared relationship between them and their Father in Heaven. He is immortal and perfect. We are mortal and imperfect. Nevertheless we seek ways even in mortality whereby we can unite with Him spiritually. In so doing we gain some access to both the grace and the majesty of His power. These are moments when we quite literally unite our will with God’s will, our spirit with His spirit, where communion through the veil becomes very real. At such moments we not only acknowledge His divinity but we quite literally take something of that divinity to ourselves."
- Apostle Jeffrey R. Holland, “Personal Purity,” Ensign, Nov 1998, page 75

Advice on Lust and Erotica in Marriage

"As you strive and work with your loved ones for an increasingly intimate relationship that is blessed by the presence of the Spirit, the distinction between the Lord's truth about intimacy and the adversary's lies will become increasingly clear. For truly, if there is anything impure, defiling, of an illicit nature, or obscene, the adversary seeks to generate these things and seeks to convince us that these things are normal, good, and part of intimacy. They are not!"

"When we are seeking increased understanding about physical intimacy, which is so sacred, so powerful, we need wide-angle eternal vision and Spirit-enhanced depth perception. If our understanding of physical intimacy is presently based on a picture that is taken, developed, and framed by none other than the father of all lies himself, our experiences with physical intimacy will be deadly. We must mediate our understanding by the death-defying power in the Savior's atonement."
- "Personal Purity and Intimacy" by Sister Wendy Watson, 1999 Women's Conference

Don't Even Talk Dirty in Bed With Your Spouse

"Marriage is both a commandment and an exalting principle of the gospel. Because it is ordained of God, the intimate physical expressions of married love are sacred. Yet all too commonly, these divine gifts are desecrated. If a couple allows lewd language or pornography to corrupt their intimacy, they offend their Creator while they degrade and diminish their own divine gifts. True happiness is predicated upon personal purity. Scripture commands: "Be ye clean." Marriage should ever be a covenant to lift husbands and wives to exaltation in celestial glory."
- Apostle Russell M. Nelson, "Nurturing Marriage," April 2006 General Conference

The Importance of Keeping Marital Intimacy Fantasy and Vulgar-free

“Tenderness and respect—never selfishness—must be the guiding principles in the intimate relationship between husband and wife. Each partner must be considerate and sensitive to the other’s needs and desires. Any domineering, indecent, or uncontrolled behavior in the intimate relationship between husband and wife is condemned by the Lord. Pornography and unwholesome fantasies erode one’s character and strike at the foundation of a happy marriage.”
- The Prophet Howard W. Hunter, “Being a Righteous Husband and Father,” Ensign, Nov. 1994, page 50

"Have we been careless? Have we drifted far too much in the direction of the world's view, which is so saturated with Lucifer's lies about physical intimacy? It is indeed time to rise up and be careful! Careful about everything that comes into our hearts, minds, and homes which pertains to physical intimacy. Could the words of the Prophet Joseph Smith apply to how in times past we have carelessly thought about, and talked about, physical intimacy? Joseph said: "How vain and trifling have been our spirits, our conferences, our councils, our meetings, our private as well as public conversations—too low, too mean, too vulgar, too condescending." We must be very careful with our language and our conversations about everything related to this sacred physical endowment."
- "Personal Purity and Intimacy" by Sister Wendy Watson, 1999 Women's Conference

Cast Out Satan In Order to Increase Marital Intimacy

"We need to be bold in exposing Lucifer and his lies. We need to rise up, and with ever increasing clarity point out his counterfeits, his deceptions, his trickery. I believe that all satanically influenced presentations about physical intimacy should be stamped "More Lies! To protect our minds and hearts, our homes and families from the intrusions of the devil's devices, perhaps we need big, bold warning signs on every book, magazine, videotape, audiotape, TV sitcom, movie, play, and so forth, which is coproduced by the adversary himself. Warning signs that would reveal his works for what they really are: angry protests against God and persistent, power-hungry efforts to obliterate the truth."

"Lucifer loves good women and is poised and ready to intrude his lies into good women's lives. He's swift. He's very effective. He knows if he can take down a good woman, he can take down a whole family in one fell swoop. Talk about the economy of Lucifer. The devil's domino effect in action! Sisters, it's time to make certain that Satan does not have a grip on our hearts, minds, homes, and families. If we find any evidence of his blatantly obvious or even his covertly subtle presence, we need to cast him out. We need to do more than just loosen his grip; we need to cast him out so that we can be taught by the Spirit the grand eternal truths about physical intimacy and teach them to our families."
- "Personal Purity and Intimacy" by Sister Wendy Watson, 1999 Women's Conference

What To Do if Your Husband Wants Oral Sex

"Married persons should understand that if in their marital relations they are guilty of unnatural, impure, or unholy practices, they should not enter the temple unless and until they repent and discontinue any such practices. The First Presidency [including Gordon B. Hinckley] has interpreted oral sex as constituting an unnatural, impure, or unholy practice. If a person is engaged in a practice which troubles him enough to ask about it, he should discontinue it."
- Official Declaration of the First Presidency of the Church - Including Gordon B. Hinckley, January 5th, 1982

"And what if the person asking you to engage in something defiling is your husband, whom you love? President Boyd K. Packer anticipated this attack on personal purity from within marriage. He counseled: "A married couple may be tempted to introduce things into their relationship which are unworthy. Do not, as the scriptures warn, 'change the natural use into that which is against nature'. If you do, The Tempter will drive a wedge between you." Anything that offends the Spirit will allow The Tempter to drive a wedge between husbands and wives."

"Unfortunately, some married couples fail to realize that sexual experiences were never intended by the Lord to be a mere plaything or merely to satisfy passions and lusts. When couples engage in physical intimacy devoid of emotional and spiritual intimacy, or when they participate in unholy practices, what should be a spiritually bonding element in their marriage may actually become a disruptive force. Going to the scriptures and to the words of modern prophets for inspired counsel is one of the best ways husbands and wives can improve their communication and strengthen their marriage.
- Elder Spencer J. Condie, “Finding Marital Unity through the Scriptures,” Ensign, Jul 1986, page 52

"If it is unnatural, you just don't do it. That is all, and all the family life should be kept clean and worthy and on a very high plane. There are some people who have said that behind the bedroom doors anything goes. That is not true and the Lord would not condone it."
- President Spencer W. Kimball, The Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, p.311-12

"'I was talked out of my feelings.' Those are the haunting words of a woman whose husband on their wedding night had introduced her to the consummation of their love in a manner that offended her spirit. For years they carried on the illusion of a marriage. That was the best they could do, for a woman who felt numb and a man who felt rejected."
- "Personal Purity and Intimacy" by Sister Wendy Watson, 1999 Women's Conference

How to Have Out-of-this-world Sex

"We, as spirit daughters of heavenly parents, need to ensure that Satan is continually cast out of our hearts, minds, homes, and families. We, as women of Christ, need to forge intimate relationships with others that involve Him. We, as daughters of Eve, need to distinguish good from evil and partake of physical intimacy only within the sacred ordinance of marriage. And as we do we will co-create intimate relationships that are truly out of this world!"
- "Personal Purity and Intimacy" by Sister Wendy Watson, 1999 Women's Conference

NEXT >> How To Deal With a Sexless Temple Marriage and Depression




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